


Admired from a Distance

by One_Salty_Monarch



Category: BNA: Brand New Animal (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, My First Work in This Fandom, Pining, Post-Canon, Tags May Change, Work In Progress, no one is surprised by that last part, shirou is a dad, you can have a happy ending. maybe. as a treat.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:01:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26765455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/One_Salty_Monarch/pseuds/One_Salty_Monarch
Summary: Nazuna goes on tour.Michiru wants to come with her.
Relationships: Hiwatashi Nazuna & Kagemori Michiru, Hiwatashi Nazuna/Kagemori Michiru
Comments: 10
Kudos: 46





	1. I can't see ahead.

"I'm going on tour next week."

Those six words hung over the roof of the Co-op during their nightly meeting - something that had become common between the two friends in recent weeks. It had been a month or so since the Nirvasyl crisis, and in the aftermath, there was a promise made between the two, to meet on this rooftop and talk at least every day. They had been watching the sun sink beneath the horizon, as usual, the last light of the day danced across the rooftops, reflecting off the windows. Michiru's focus wasn’t on the sunset, however. It was on Nazuna. For good reason, as during these fleeting hours of the day, it felt like she was sitting close to a star in the fur and flesh. In the fading sunlight, Nazuna was ethereal - the way that quickly fading light outlined her face, how it made her practically shine against that ephemeral backdrop - it was hard not to look, but something had pulled her focus away. Away from the sheer beauty of this moment, the beauty of her friend, right back to reality. She wasn't wasting a moment of time to respond to the news."

"Huh? That's pretty sudden, right?" Michiru's ears gave a slight flick as a flier slid across the table in her general direction - though that did nothing to alleviate the confusion that had set in. A soft hand rested on the flier, the tanuki not looking at what was on it just yet, going right back to making eye contact with her friend. Something about this felt wrong to her. Not the concept of the tour as a whole, but the way Nazuna told her. It was too abrupt. The fox normally knew about these things weeks in advance and told Michiru about them around the moment she knew. Yet, for some reason, the news came so suddenly. She couldn’t shake a feeling that there was something going on behind the scenes.

"It is a bit sudden, I know, but think about it, Michiru! Beastmen and Humans from all over the world gathering together..."

It was hard not to think about it when Michiru picked up the flier, and briefly took a moment to glance down at it - there were a number of destinations listed, all of them so far from Anima City. Different continents entirely, places halfway across the world, and Nazuna was going to see them all, visit so many unfamiliar places, and Nazuna seemed so genuinely happy about all of it. She was living her dream, after all - and on top of that, a life free of the influence of the people who had manipulated and used her for their own goals. She was free to find her own path in life. 

Michiru couldn't help but smile a bit wider, eyes wandering from the paper back to her friend, paying little mind to what she was handed. She couldn't keep her eyes off that all-too-familiar grin on Nazuna's face, an expression that she had seen a lot of more recently. That look made the suspicions and worries she held melt away.

At the back of her mind, there was a question that she wanted to ask. Words that she doesn't want to go unspoken. Words that burned at her tongue, desperate to escape. There was a chance that she refused to miss out on. Though when she wanted to speak her mind, like she always did, she couldn’t find the words, struggling to voice what she wanted. The sun had almost completely vanished in the moments that passed, but the spark of the conversation hadn't faded whatsoever. Michiru slipped the flier into her pocket haphazardly - speaking up. 

"I'm sure you're gonna do amazing out there!"

“Oh? So you're saying there are times where I'm _not_ amazing?”

“What? No! I just said I was sure of it!” Her tail gave an impatient little flick at Nazuna’s comment, a soft huff escaping her - matched by the laugh that came from her friend at her reaction. She offered a little laugh of her own when she realized it was a joke - or an attempt at one, at least - then went right back to talking.

“Well, this is gonna be big, right?”

“Of course, it _is_ my first tour, after all.”

“Yeah, I know that! How long are you gonna be gone for?”

“It’s a few weeks at most, though some stops may take longer than others.”

“Really? Like where?”

“They’re all listed on the flier, didn’t you see them?”

Michiru froze up a bit. She was too focused on Nazuna and the question that she had instead of the destinations on the flier. She bit back the truth of the situation, as much as she hated lying - she didn’t want it to be known that her focus was elsewhere, that she was watching the sunset instead of listening. To her, it was a bit embarrassing - and besides, she had a question to ask, finally having thought of something to say. It was a few simple words. She could do this.

“Uh - yeah! Totally… er…. you're going to so many cool places, too! Seriously, I'm kind of jealous." 

"Michiru, I'm just going on tour, it's not like I'll be staying in one place for long. It’s not a vaca-”

Those words didn't even register with Michiru as she spoke up, smacking both hands against the surface of the table, casting aside all embarrassment and anxiety that had built up during their conversation. She didn’t hesitate for one moment. "Hey, I had an idea!" 

She'd been keeping it at the back of her mind for too long - and now was the best time to ask about it. She didn't even consider that she had cut off Nazuna, instead continuing to talk, the words flowing out of her mouth. "You could take me with you! I could help set up the stage, and maybe after, we could go sightseeing, and take pictures, and--" 

She knew she was probably overstepping with all of this - but Michiru wanted to be there for Nazuna, to be with her as she traveled. What originally were a few simple words came out as a practical storm of emotion, that want made perfectly clear. 

Michiru looked her friend in the eyes again, her own practically shining as she made her idea known - though something had cut her off mid-thought. That feeling that something was wrong had come back in full swing, smacking right into her gut. Her stomach sunk in those moments afterward. 

Nazuna’s smile faded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is going to be WIP! Keep in mind, this is just the first chapter.
> 
> Comments, Kudos and Feedback are always appreciated!
> 
> Find me at @Royaltyfreeramblings on Tumblr!


	2. But I can't keep standing still.

Dull sunlight filtered through the windows of Michiru’s room, although the tanuki was already wide awake. She had made it a habit to wake up a bit earlier in the morning, moments before the sun had fully risen, and was normally out and about at this hour on an early morning run. This morning was dramatically different; however, the tanuki feeling a little more sluggish, as if her entire body was made of metal, weighed down by her own thoughts. She laid on the bed, her phone resting beside her, her eyelids feeling heavy as she stared up at the ceiling for a few moments. She opened her mouth, speaking to the empty room, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

“Yeah, I’m… never doing that again.”

That was a lie, of course she was going to try that again. Michiru had wanted to catch a live broadcast of Nazuna’s first concert on the tour. It’d been three days since she had actually left Anima City, and this was the only way to keep up with her friend besides texting - which was difficult for the tanuki. She didn’t want to send the first message. How was she going to start the conversation? She was already too pushy with the question she had asked. She missed the concert last night because she had passed out, the difference in time had her staying up much later than she should've. Michiru couldn't find the words she wanted to say either.  
  
Her mind kept wandering back to their last moments of the conversation on the rooftop. It had only been a little over a week and yet, it played in the back of her head, Nazuna’s parting words like a song stuck on repeat.

_“I’m not going to be gone for too long...”_

A little yawn escaped the tanuki as she sat up, arms stretching over her head, eyelids heavy, her posture slouched slightly as she rolled out of bed. She wasted no time in hopping to her feet to get dressed and ready for the day, shaking off her early morning weariness, making sure to grab her phone before leaving the room. The Co-op was always quiet at these early hours of the morning. Michiru enjoyed that, honestly, especially with how hectic things had been in the past few weeks. There was a lot on the tanuki’s mind, and the silence gave her time to think about how she had been feeling. She’d thought about talking about what had happened that night with someone - anyone, but everyone had been so busy. The night Nazuna left, she had wanted to talk to Shirou, only to find out that he was off doing some sort of job for the mayor, and wouldn’t be back for a day or two. Gem and Melissa were swamped with official Co-op business, on top of all that. It was for the best that she didn’t distract any of them with something so trivial.

_Don’t wanna annoy them with that sorta stuff, anyways..._

Michiru stepped out of the front door into the cool morning air, taking a deep breath. She had made it a part of her routine to go on a run almost every morning as a way to get to know the layout of the city, but since then, it had become a way for her to keep active. Her hand slid into her pocket, pulling out the pair of wireless earbuds she had bought from Marie a while ago. They were a bit too expensive for what they were, in all honesty, but she wasn’t going to complain about a way to listen to music. Slipping in the earbuds, she took out her phone, starting to walk - but she found herself looking down at the screen, not putting on any songs.

Instead, she checked her texts.

There were no new messages from Nazuna, which had been a trend since she had left. Michiru had been staring down at her phone while she walked, the ghost of a frown on her face.

She hoped that Nazuna had sent her something.

Anything. 

It could’ve been just one word and she would have been alright with that. 

_“...Just a month at most...”_

She closed out of the app, starting up a song and pocketing her phone, deciding to get a move on. Michiru was sure that Nazuna was giving it her all out there. She never slacked off when it came to her performances, or in general, really, always going above and beyond.

_Just gotta wait and see what she says… could just be busy, right?_

Her footsteps were light against the pavement, shoes hitting the all-too-familiar sidewalk with little noise. The cityscape loomed over Michiru as she ran, the shadows cast from the buildings in the morning light impossible to break free from.

_I did overstep a bit, though. She probably..._

The music was doing very little to keep her mind from wandering. Every song just made her think back to the concert that she had missed, to the look on Nazuna’s face when she told her that she wouldn’t be able to go with her.

_...no._

The next song had started to pick up a bit. The morning scenery had become a blur.

_She doesn’t hate me._

A sinking feeling had settled in her gut at the very thought, one that became difficult to ignore.

_...right..?_

The music that once served as comfort, a source of relaxation becoming nothing more than background noise with no purpose. That feeling had gotten worse and worse when she was moving, each step taken making her sick. It was hard to focus on the path ahead of her, with all that was dragging her backwards. Michiru eventually had stopped running entirely. She took a deep breath, trying to ground herself, taking out her earbuds, placing them in her pockets with a sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, writer's block was a bit tedious!
> 
> Comments, Kudos, and Feedback are always welcome!
> 
> Find me @Royaltyfreeramblings on tumblr!


	3. So drenched in the rain

Heavy grey clouds hung over the city’s skyline, the sun’s rays smothered before they could even touch the rooftops. It looked like it was going to rain at any second, but not a single droplet had fallen in the hour that had passed. Michiru sat on the rooftop, staring blankly up at the sky, ears flat against her head. To say the sky reflected the past two week’s worth of emotions that she had been feeling was an understatement. 

She hadn’t let anyone see her like this, any smile she offered not reaching her eyes, any words she said empty reassurances that she was going to be okay. It became easier just to lie, as much as she hated doing it, she didn’t want anyone to worry about her. No one had seemed to pick up on the truth, not even Shirou. He had recently returned from yet another prolonged period of absence. The wolf had come and gone in recent days, and he clearly had other things to worry about that were certainly more important than some two-week long slump. It didn’t seem like he cared too much. 

Her tail swayed behind her as she stared, teal gaze vacantly glancing over the clouds which filled the sky. Michiru wasn’t sure what she expected to see up there among the clouds. They were just clouds. They couldn’t help her find a way to stop thinking about how she felt, or the sinking feeling that had come and gone, about the realization that she came to.

The realization that Nazuna didn’t hate her.

She knew that much was true. The two of them had been through so much in the past few months, more than they could've ever imagined. They’d made so many memories together, both good and bad. At times, Michiru felt like their friendship had been stronger than ever, despite the ups and downs, despite everything, Nazuna didn't hate her at all. All of those nights spent on this rooftop, the hours after concerts, the amount of time they were together were proof of that fact.

She would, however, hate how Michiru was acting.

How selfish she was being.

A part of her wished Nazuna hadn’t left in the first place, so soon after they had been reunited. A single month was nothing in comparison to the year they had been separated, and this time, she knew Nazuna would be back. There was no uncertainty about when they’d see each other again, no worry about if she was alive or dead. The sheer distance between them was all that was there now. It still hurt, knowing that she could’ve been here all along, that they could be sitting here together, watching the world move past them.

To want her to be here was selfish. 

Nazuna was doing so much good out there in the world. She was bringing people together from all over, and making a genuine change. Michiru was happy for her, but she missed Nazuna, through it all. She wanted to hear her voice in person, see her light up the world with just a single smile.

A smile that she missed seeing.

Michiru was pulled from her thoughts by the crash of thunder, echoing through the once-silent air. It was all so sudden, the noise making her fur bristle, ears flicking upwards. Michiru was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she hadn’t realized that it’d finally started to rain, the droplets tapping against the rooftop getting louder and louder. She rose to her feet quickly, another abrupt crash making her head right for her room, eyes finally leaving the sky as she rushed inside, out of the rain. Closing the door, Michiru took a deep breath, her vision a bit blurry, eyes stinging.

She hadn’t noticed her own tears in the rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get out! Decided to work on chapters 3 and 4 at the same time. 4 is about 2/3rds of the way done.


	4. I cannot believe in you

It was not like Michiru to cry over something like this. Something so trivial, so childish, but here she was, standing in her room and crying. She didn’t have too much time to collect her thoughts or compose herself, however, due to a sudden knock at the door. That noise made her ears flick, and she quickly dried her eyes with the back of her hand. 

The tanuki never expected visitors during a storm, due to the amount of time it took to get from the main building of the Co-op to her room. As she walked over to the door, she tried her best to compose herself, to put up that facade that she’d been using for the past two weeks, not even wondering who it was.

The answer to her question would come when she opened the door, greeted with an all-too-familiar flat expression. Shirou was standing in the doorway, one hand in his pocket, the other resting at his side, presumably the hand he had knocked with. Michiru didn’t expect Shirou of all people to show up, given that he was either busy with work for the mayor, or didn’t notice anything was happening out of the ordinary.

It took a moment for conversation between the two to start up.

“...Do you mind if I come in?”

“Uh...” 

_Why is he here?_

It’s impossible to tell from his tone. Flat, dry and deadpan, the usual for Shirou. Michiru had no reason to say no, though. A fake smile is on her face as she speaks. 

"...feel free!”

There was that false enthusiasm she’d been showing. Michiru stepped out of the doorway to let Shirou enter into the room, shutting the door behind him. The thunder was quieter like this, it’d be less of a distraction for Michiru. She moved over to the couch and settled on it, still watching Shirou, watching as he navigated over to the table, a gloved hand gliding over the pages of her open scrapbook.

“You’re an awful liar.” Shirou’s expression was still flat as he turned to look at her.

“Huh? What’re you talking about?”

She felt that cold gaze on her now, those faded blue eyes staring her down. Her tapping on the couch’s arm got faster and faster. After half a second she turns away, avoiding eye contact and looking around the room for something to focus on other than Shirou speaking to her. 

She thought he would be frustrated with her for lying, it was impossible to lie to Shirou about anything without him figuring out something was up. She thought he’d be annoyed that this is what she was worrying about, when others needed help. 

Her ears flattened slightly, fingers tapping on the worn arm of the couch. 

“I mean that you haven’t exactly been telling the truth.”

“I don’t know what you’re-” 

“Michiru.”

“Er...yeah?”

“What happened.”

Michiru looked up at Shirou, blinking in confusion. Everything about the way he spoke betrayed the notions of annoyance. There were hints of genuine concern for her emotions and well-being hiding under the surface. 

Her eyes still stung from those tears she had shed earlier. A little sigh escapes her as she curls into the corner of the couch, hugging her knees, ears pinned flat against her head. She had no reason to lie anymore. No reason to hide anything. Shirou took a seat as well, waiting for her to speak. 

“It’s… stupid, but I…I miss Nazuna. A lot. Even if she’s gonna be back in a few days, I… I just. She hasn’t texted me or anything, and I know I can just send her a text, but I don’t know what to say to her, and even if she gets it, she probably would be annoyed by it, because she’s really busy, and I just…. I wish she was here.” 

“It’s selfish.” Michiru finishes speaking with a soft sigh. The tapping on the couch has stopped.

“How is it selfish.” It sounded like a question, but judging from how Shirou said it, it didn’t seem like the way she answered mattered.

“How? She’s doing so much good out there, and I’m... I’m here. I’m here crying about it, because I... just feel like I could’ve, I don’t know, done or said something to convince her to let me go with her, or get her to stay-”

“Michiru.”

“-I want her to be here. I want to be wherever she is, I just... want to be with her, and I can’t say anything like that to her face, because I’m either annoying her, or clinging to her, and-”

“Michiru.”

“-it’d make things even more awkward if I said that, I already overstepped by asking her to her face, and I think she didn’t like that I was being so pushy, and--”

“Michiru.” 

There was emphasis placed on her name that time, enough to make Michiru fall silent. She felt the need to apologize, despite Shirou not seeming all that annoyed with her. She opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by yet another crash of thunder from outside. The loud, abrupt noise made her jump slightly, her ears flicking upward, before falling again. After that, there was a brief moment of silence, before Michiru looked over to Shirou, who seemed to be unaffected by the noise. 

“Slow down and breathe. You need to focus on what is happening. You can’t change what you did. It’s too late, and you have to live with it.”

“...But-”

“Breathe.”

Michiru fell silent, taking a deep breath. She wanted to curl up and disappear on that couch, but she can’t.

_Shirou’s right. I have to focus on what’s happening now, not what happened on the roof, or what’s gonna happen when Nazuna comes back. I’ve just been jumping to conclusions about how she feels, haven’t I?_

Michiru had just assumed her friend was disappointed with how she acted on the roof. She had constantly worried about overstepping, being annoying, being too much, or not being enough.

But despite all of that, she was enough.

“...you’re right.”

“Hm?”

“...I can’t change what happened, and I can’t pretend I know what Nazuna’s thinking.”

“Exactly.”

“...Thanks, Shirou.”

A genuine smile found its way across the tanuki’s face for the first time in days. She knew that things were going to be okay from here on out. Shirou rose to his feet after a few moments, heading for the door.

“When you’re done up here, dinner’s ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4 is here! 
> 
> As always, comments, feedback, and kudos are appreciated!


	5. But I cannot forget you.

“Hey, wait up!”

Michiru hopped to her feet and rushed over to the half-closed door. Shirou clearly wanted to give her some space to think about what he said, but Michiru wasn’t going to sit in her room all night. She had already made up her mind, and with that new wave of motivation, she stepped outside onto the rain-drenched rooftop. The storm had died down into a light drizzle, sunlight reflecting in puddles that had formed during the downpour. Michiru’s eyes lazily wandered from the shimmering spots of light, to the dull clouds rolling over the roof, and finally, to the empty chairs near the railing.

She didn’t let her gaze linger for too long, though, a soft smile on her face as she turned her head, only to find that Shirou had stopped walking, and was staring down at her.

His hands were resting in his coat pockets, a stern expression on his face. It was similar to the one from the conversation in her room, that same questioning, yet vaguely distant look. She tilted her head to the side, looking right back, her smile not fading at all when she spoke up.

“I’m gonna be fine. I mean it this time.”

Shirou’s gaze narrowed for a moment. She thought she caught a glimmer of uncertainty in his eyes. She had spent the past two weeks lying to him about being fine, so that skepticism was to be expected. However, for once, after all of those times, she was telling the truth.

To her, there wasn’t any use in wondering about what she could have said or done differently at this point. There was no reason for her to keep running away. She had to move on ahead to whatever the next day would bring, and not let what had happened bring her down. With a simple nod, Shirou set right back to walking without a word. It was clear nothing more needed to be said on the topic, given how abrupt the staring contest was. The rest of the walk inside of the co-op continued without any holdups.

=======================================================================================

A bit after dinner, Michiru had decided she was going to head out for the night for a quick walk, finally feeling motivated enough. She walked through the main room, keeping her head up and offering a small wave to Melissa, who was seated on the couch, watching something on the TV. She seemed to be invested in whatever was on, and Michiru didn’t want to bother her, so she opted to walk on by without a word. Those plans changed when she heard an unfamiliar voice from the TV, the words said making her ears flick.

“We’re broadcasting live from…”

Michiru turned to look back at the screen, greeted by a series of unfamiliar sights accompanying the voice of the reporter. A cityscape surrounding a stadium, somewhere that she didn’t recognize. In the middle of the field, there was a stage set for a performance. She slowly took a step forward beside the couch, staying silent as she focused on the broadcast.

“...the one, the only…”

Michiru didn’t need to hear the end of that announcement to know who was standing at the center of that stage. She recognized that face, even from how far away the cameras were. Music started to pick up, subtle at first, serving as a backdrop for Nazuna as she started to sing. All lights, all eyes were on the fox as her voice carried through the stadium, the crowd’s cheering growing louder and louder. A wave of excitement rose with the song as it progressed, as the idol moved across the stage through the shimmering lights.

Her eyes are on Nazuna.

She doesn’t even catch herself as she speaks. Her own voice is hushed. A whisper that’s inaudible over the sounds from the TV.

“...she’s… beautiful."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took too long! Been editing for a bit. Hope you all enjoy!
> 
> Chapter 6 may take a bit longer. It's gonna be a big one.
> 
> Sit tight.


End file.
